The Christmas Refresh: Finding Balance During the Holidays
The decision to change holiday traditions rarely comes easily, especially for those of us who habitually put others' comfort before our own. This year, I took the leap and chose to spend Christmas Day just with my immediate family - a choice that felt both liberating and guilt-inducing. As someone who typically tries to keep everyone happy, setting this boundary was particularly challenging.
A quiet Christmas morning allowed space for my toddler to process the excitement at his own pace, for us to savour moments without watching the clock, and yes - I even managed to make Brussels sprouts that were actually edible! But with this choice came the familiar weight of tradition. It was our first Christmas not visiting parents or grandparents, and those bittersweet memories of past celebrations with loved ones tugged at my heart. The people pleaser in me worried constantly about disappointing others, even as I recognised this new arrangement felt important for our family.
The days surrounding Christmas became a delicate balance of family connections and personal boundaries. The familiar rhythm of holiday gatherings - elaborate meals, gift exchanges, traditional walks, and classic movies - took on a different tone with a young child in tow. What once felt festive became overwhelming: managing mealtimes, keeping little ones safe in non-childproofed spaces, maintaining conversations while breastfeeding, all while trying to honour the family traditions. I found myself attempting to orchestrate perfect moments for everyone else while my own needs slipped further down the priority list.
It's possible to be deeply grateful for family while also feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of holiday gatherings. I found myself ignoring mounting stress signals because "But it's Christmas!" became my reason to push through, setting aside the very self-care practices that usually keep me grounded. This pattern of prioritising others' holiday expectations over my own wellbeing is a classic people-pleasing trap that many of us fall into during the festive season.
When holiday overwhelm strikes, there are two paths forward: either let the stress cascade through the remainder of the season, or pause, reset, and implement gentle strategies to restore balance. Here's what worked for me:
Creating pockets of quiet time: I started waking up before my family, using the early morning silence to journal and enjoy a peaceful cup of tea - learning that taking care of myself isn't selfish, it's necessary
Tackling small sources of stress: Getting the house organized helped clear my mental space, and I reminded myself that 'good enough' is perfectly fine
Planning intentional family time: We put phones away and reconnected through play and walks outside, focusing on what truly matters rather than meeting others' expectations
Having honest conversations: My partner and I scheduled dedicated time for each of us to recharge, practicing the art of asking for what we need without guilt
Maintaining basic healthy habits: I made sure to balance holiday treats with fruits and vegetables, stay hydrated, and take my vitamins to keep energy levels stable - treating my own wellbeing as non-negotiable
The magic of the season doesn't come from perfect execution of traditions or making sure everyone else is happy at our own expense. Sometimes, the greatest gift we can give ourselves and our loved ones is the permission to celebrate in ways that feel authentic and sustainable, even if that means disappointing some people along the way.
What I learned from this Christmas was that it's okay to adapt traditions as our families grow and change. By acknowledging my own needs alongside those of my family, and gradually releasing the need to please everyone, I found a way to make the season both meaningful and manageable. Perhaps the real holiday spirit lies not in perfect gatherings, but in being authentically present for the moments we choose to create.
